After failing to land a coveted job opportunity several years ago, my son reminded me of one of the first lessons he learned in competitive athletics: We learn far more about ourselves from failing than from winning. 

An unsuccessful job interview can be a tremendous learning experience, but you will probably have to work at it to get useful feedback. Many recruiters feel it’s not their job to tell candidates why they were not successful, and there may have been other factors influencing the selection process besides the strength of your resume and the quality of your interview. Strong internal candidates and cousin-deals have derailed many outstanding job seekers. Nevertheless, here are several tactics to help you rebound from an interview setback. 

Start by writing a thoughtful turn-down letter to the person in the hiring process with whom you made the strongest connection. Key elements include: thanking them for their courtesy during the interview process; acknowledge that you're disappointed but express hope that they found the right person because you care about the organization and want them to be successful; reaffirm your continuing interest in the organization and ask to be considered for future opportunities where your skills and experience may be a good fit; and finally, ask permission to stay in touch and add this individual to your network as your self-marketing campaign continues. This initial and unexpected outreach may prompt a response and provide an opening to begin the dialogue. 

After a few weeks, contact the organization and push for feedback on your performance during the selection process. Hiring managers, friends and former colleagues inside the organization, board members and even major investors are potential sources for quality feedback. Ask well-prepared neutral questions where answers are more factual and less disputable. For example: Was there anything that made me less competitive or tell me about the background of the person who got the job? Use this discussion to explore other opportunities and emphasize your continued interest in the firm. 

Recognize that many hiring managers are looking for an extremely close fit between the skills and experience on a resume and what is specified in the job description. Next time, tailor you resume so that it closely matches the job description. Emphasize experiences that directly relate to a prospective employer’s requirements and make sure your resume and cover letter (or cover e-mail) detail sufficient proof of your accomplishments. In addition, ask a trusted colleague who is familiar with your work history to review your resume and the description of the position you are seeking to ensure they are closely aligned. 

Finally, focus on the first 30 seconds of the interview, where many hiring managers unconsciously form indelible impressions regarding a candidate’s suitability. Essential elements of a positive first impression include a firm handshake, attentive eye contact, professional appearance, executive presence and erect posture to optimize voice quality. Make a special effort not to dominate the conversation. If you want to be heard, sometimes it's helpful to be a little more deferential to others at the table. 

Experienced interviewees adapt their delivery to match the style of the interviewer. And don’t hesitate to seek formal interview coaching to improve your performance. Actors and athletes are the highest paid people in our society, and what do they have in common: lots of practice. A good coach can help polish interview skills using techniques tailored to your personality, and your confidence will soar.